With the new record already rolling and the fundraising campaign on full blast, I've been thinking about doing a new music video.
I've done a couple in the past, and I'm creating to come up with some intriguing, slightly creepy but totally arty, interesting ideas, but I need your help. I filmed my first music video EVER in an apple orchard in King City, Ontario. The second? In my parents basement. The third was filmed in the beautiful Toronto beaches. The fourth was filmed in a rented bedroom I was living in and the most recent one.. you guessed it! No you didn't The hallway in my parents house.
What's your favourite video I've made? Vote below! Leave me a message as to why AND/OR pitch a concept for a video.. you just might win a prize.. okay really. You will win a prize if chosen. So do it.
It's been an odd winter in Ontario there year, at least in the parts I've been around.
I've taken a step back from things, and a step forward into other things.
I've all but euthanized my social life. Staying in reinventing my diet, learning how to cook new food, bake and be reasonably domesticated. Trying to spend more time with dear Charlie, making sure he's healthy, happy and safe from any neighborhood coyotes. Instead of going out on weekends I try to do something creative; creation is the heart of humanity after all...
I started volunteering with Loyal Rescue Inc. again, helping to screen adoptive homes for homeless dogs.
I learned how to use a curling iron; sort of. That's a work in progress.
But I've really shifted most of my focus to music. I feel like that got very out of focus for very many reasons I couldn't possibly go into. But I'm back doing what I doing, and doing it because... it's what I do.
I love to write and song write there's no way around it. I'm a writer, not a conventional one. It turns out I'm a singer to. I'm not conventional in that way either.
The new record is happening, and it's happening to me! Exciting times, but still only 50% of the way there to fund it. My fingers are crossed that in the next 30 days some miracle will happen. I have started getting together the perks to send out - t-shirts, photos, buttons, cake. It's all happening.
On Christmas day I saw a green Ukulele sitting in my closet. I had received it as a Christmas gift a couple years ago but never really did anything with it. I taught myself how to play and I was a quick study even though the tuning and chords are very different from a standard guitar. It's been fun. I hope to learn more likeminded instruments in the near future, including the banjo and maybe even mandolin. In the mean time I decided that I'd do a series of "sadcore" cover songs.
For those wondering what this sadcore entails, I believe it was best and inadvertently described by Tom Waits:
"I like beautiful melodies telling me horrible things"
Uncle Tom is always right. So I've been picking the saddest of sad songs I know and doing 'mini covers' on the ukulele. Covering The National and Dr Dog was fun. Tonight when I was thinking of songs to cover I thought of the classic "I Will Always Love You" and alas by the time I was finished covering the song I got news that Whitney Houston passed away. Go figure.
It's definitely funny having to film yourself. No matter what I do, I just seem so.. 'into it' when I perform. Perhaps it's because I am :)
Here is one of the tracks for you. To check out more subscribe to my Youtube channel. I've been posting up a storm!
One spring day I was standing in the middle of a busy road during rush hour kicking bumpers to the curb. Looking back it all seemed like some giant metaphor.
Driving along a road I had driven on, or been driven on, for dozens of years, I blinked. And in that moment the black SUV in front of me became airborne. It flipped, and rolled and landed on it's roof. Yes it happened in slow motion. Yes it was just like the movies. Barely 15ft in front of me chaos had come out of no where.
I stopped.
The other cars stopped.
Paused.
Then most drove away.
In the long seconds it took me to compute what had happened, I realized that there was a person in that car. It in fact wasn't like the movies, there wasn't a stunt driver and oh my God, someone call 911.
It was an odd feeling to stop in the middle of such a busy road, and run towards a car not knowing if the person was dead or alive.
Other people got out of their cars, in so much shock they were blocking traffic. 911 was called. Some people just stood, their arms crossed, one hand covering their mouth.
I peered in the window. It was a lady, mid 50's. She had a Jackie O hair cut, long manicured nails, was wearing pearls and sunglasses. She was very calm, despite dangling upside down in her vehicle her body crunched against the former ceiling.
People began trying to pry her out and I begged for them to stop not knowing what injuries she had which could be made worse. They agreed and waited for the police and ambulance to arrive.
Being rush hour, lines of traffic had begun to build up. The people who had been standing gasping and gawking at the wreck, failed to realize their cars were blocking traffic. There was debris from the car all over the road, scattering into both lanes.
Feeling of no use to the lady in the car, I began to kick the broken metal and bumpers to the curb. I started directing traffic around the vehicle, and another man joined in, having to ignore the fact that there was a lady injured in the spectacle.
Finally when things began to move, I began to ask whose car was whose, then asked that person to move their car elsewhere or leave. Finally I left, as there were a group of more 'senior' people waiting with the lady, and when I heard sirens I knew I was OK to go.
It was a weird feeling to stand in the road I had only ever driven on, never walked on, kicking debris, while dozens of people in cars watched. I mean sometimes in life you're the lady in the car and all you can do is wait for help to get there. Other times, you're the girl directing traffic. I think the goal is to not be one of the people that gets in the way. If you're a victim, you're a victim. The trick is not to spend your life with your arms crossed and your hand over you mouth.
Things in life can change so quickly, so effortlessly, it makes you wonder how anything stays put at all.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I've been keeping a low profile lately, catching up on sleep, rest and letting my brain breathe a bit.
Here's a little bit of a video update:
Here's a sample of a new track off my forthcoming record. There's now a 45% chance it'll get made thanks to some generous donations, but still a ways to go. Be apart of it, I think it's going to be a special record.
I am giving away some stickers and buttons! All you have to do to enter is:
1) Be awesome. Perhaps bust a move
2a) Leave a comment on this place naming one thing that is tall and red.
2b) Tweet at me @misslatejuly and name on thing that is tall and red.
3) Continue to be awesome. Bust a move, perhaps grapvine?
There are no wrong or right answers - feel free to get creative! Make sure you leave contact info so I can get a hold of you if you win. Winners will be picked next week.
Don't forget we are getting down to the wire with the fundraising! $10 goes a long way and will get you cool stuff!
I was talking to my friend L. and I'm at that age where people of my 'generation' are striking a point where their lives are really taking shape. Hitting stride with their career, reaching good health, buying their first place, finding real love, getting married, having kids...
None of that is happening to me. I've always been a late bloomer, and generally a late person (a la Late July) and I've never let it bother me. But as I stride through my 20's, I gotta say, some of that would be nice. I wish I had descent answers for why I'm on such a different path. But I don't. Some people partied away their teens and twenties, others caught under some cloud of disillusionment. I can't say either of those apply to me. I know 'everything happens for a reason' but for Pete's sake, everything can't have a reason can it? Maybe I'll be proven wrong and all the confusing things that happen to me, will somehow make sense. I can't be sure.
There are times in my head I go over and over again who I am, what I'm about, what I've done and what I intend to do. I make this list and it frustrates me why none of who I am adds up to anything I want. It makes you feel, kind of broken?
While I'm certain I'm not the only one to go through this, it's got a girl feeling empty these days. So I turn to the theory that there's more to be done and someone, somewhere, God, universe, the mighty HuHu, they've just got higher expectations for me. Tonight I'm not okay with that; tonight that makes me angry and want to sue the universe. But maybe like Jobs, I just need to put a ding in the universe.
Once I've got the wrinkles out of my apron, I need to make some changes. I need to start by putting some good back into the universe, even if I think I'm some awful, broken, misguided person sometimes. Maybe somewhere, somehow I can help - make things better. Having purpose in times when there doesn't seem much purpose, is well... important.
After watching this little video tonight, I think it just goes to show that people who have purpose do more, no matter what.
Sometimes we just have to put the pieces back together and realize nothing was ever broken in the first place, just rearranged.
Have you ever had an unexpected conversation with someone where you felt, almost physically lighter after? I have.
After a routine visit to the vet for Charlie's shots and AHE (Annual health exam) I ran into a vet that I've only met a couple times. He remember me and the work I've done in the community with dogs, and also my music.
What was supposed to be a 5 minute exam + shots, turned into an hour conversation about society, medicine, animal welfare, human cognitive behaviour and how we know what we know. The topics of loss, recovery, ethics, and starting over came up a lot.
Sometimes the only person who can make you feel better about situations in your life is.. not your vet, but yourself. I think it's a matter of someone knowing your situation and telling you what you already know back, with maybe some observations you haven't yet denoted yourself. Hearing yourself back is important but can be difficult. Other times, it just makes things sound right.
I definitely feel silly doing what I do. Blogging, music, videos - it all feels really silly sometimes. I write some of my inner most feelings, turn them into music and play them for thousands off people via record. I go up on stage in front of people I don't know, and do the same. I blog everyday about personal experiences and feelings. I post pictures of myself, not all flattering, videos where I look like a total idiot... my continual need to make myself vulnerable for artistic and creative merit astounds me sometimes. Because I don't really think of it when I'm doing it.
Long past, are the days where I thought "Oh my goodness, who is going to see this? what will they think?" or "Everyone is going to think I'm an idiot, self absorbed loser"; and so forth and so on. I kind of don't think anymore about these things. I just do. And while I'm sure there are people out there who think I'm nutty, narcissistic, pandering, artist... I think I can say there are others out there who think the opposite; or at least somewhere in the middle of that.
We're all chasing shadows. Shadows of how we want to feel, how we want to be seen, and who we want to be. And sure, there are times when you catch your breath and go: "why am I chasing this again?" I had that moment in the bathroom before a show, after a long couple of days weeks. But then you realize that whatever it is, you must really love it. And I do. It's just not always as easy as we hoped, putting one foot in front of the other and standing where you need to stand.
I don't always feel the way people see me and I'm sure I don't always see myself the way that people feel me. But, I have to keep going, right? Anything in this world worth fighting for... is and must continue to be, a good fight.
And while I am raising money for what is promising to be my best record yet - it's kind of an evaluation. Do people care enough to support and donate? Do they believe in me enough to say that I'm worth the time and money. It's a next step in the process and I remind myself it doesn't necessarily reflect how people value you, money is just one value system in our society. But hey. It can't hurt. So I put myself out there. Day after day, hoping for, what everyone hopes for: the universe to listen.
Making the decision not to write is almost always the wrong decision.
Decisions in life are sometimes made for you.
The best thing is sometimes not always the right thing to do. And as a light dusting of snow seems to settle over things, I remind myself that there is spring. I think of feelings, not things, but feelings that make me happy. Like the feeling you get when the weather turns warm - it's not where you are it's how you feel.
I learned long ago that people don't remember what you did, but how you made them feel. In order to be good at that you have to be able to recognize the effects of your actions.
When action does not match intention, chaos ensues. I keep reminding myself that. Do my actions match my intentions? Did I know what my intentions were in the first place?
I keep going.
The things you stick with, you love. The things that stuck with you, they love. And so forth and so on. I've given up on my rules and regulations. I remember when I knew everything. I realize now that time doesn't exist.
When what's set before you is a snow covered path, you realize it's more fun to make prints then to let it melt and fade. The prints won't last, but impermanence is life's greatest joke.
Cause that's what it's all about. Like the hokey pokey or something.
The winter rolls on in it's usual, unstable Canadian meteorological way. Traipsing footprints through the snow, realizing the wind can make a pretty storm into an ugly one.
But I've got plans.
They haven't quite come together, and I'm being gentle with that. If you force something too much, things get tired quickly but if you pace it out, you just might get what you asked for, and that's a good thing right?
My sense of optimism is a little faded but relatively in tact. It's anyone's game, and peoples luck change, for better or worse, everyday. I understand this and respect the law of 'anything'. We can't always be the people we'd hoped we be. But you have to question for a moment if you even really knew the person you wanted to be in the first place.
We just evolve, constantly, those things about us vaguely staying the same as we get older. We're human. We adapt. We're flexible on a lot of things, if not most. We make pardons. We seek forgiveness. We start over.
Human, Human, Human.
I can't make things in my life right all the time. If I can't make it right then it wasn't going to work in the first place. Or something like that. I respect my efforts and I respect the results. Kind of. Sort of. It takes some time to accept things the way they are. The way it is.
People can come into your life, change it, then disappear. People can come into your life, not change it, and stick around for ever. And if you're lucky, well all of the above will happen and some will change you, but realize that you will change some as well - likely the ones who seem like sitting ducks in a well. You change people, you affect them - if you don't believe me, then you're likely questioning if you ever existed. And trust me, you do... did.. whatever.
Life is moving at a rapid pace, can you feel it? Are you happy? Are you passing through time the way you'd hoped? Can you change it, would you want to... it's late and I'm asking questions that the sanest of people would never have the answer to.
Ex-California Girl. Tepid Torontonian. Dog rescuer. Lover of records and words. This is the ongoing narrative of songwriter/renaissance girl Nicole Simone, better known as Late July.
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