Trying to put your heart back together.

I was talking to my friend L. and I'm at that age where people of my 'generation' are striking a point where their lives are really taking shape. Hitting stride with their career, reaching good health, buying their first place, finding real love, getting married, having kids...

None of that is happening to me. I've always been a late bloomer, and generally a late person (a la Late July) and I've never let it bother me. But as I stride through my 20's, I gotta say, some of that would be nice. I wish I had descent answers for why I'm on such a different path. But I don't. Some people partied away their teens and twenties, others caught under some cloud of disillusionment. I can't say either of those apply to me. I know 'everything happens for a reason' but for Pete's sake, everything can't have a reason can it? Maybe I'll be proven wrong and all the confusing things that happen to me, will somehow make sense. I can't be sure.

There are times in my head I go over and over again who I am, what I'm about, what I've done and what I intend to do. I make this list and it frustrates me why none of who I am adds up to anything I want. It makes you feel, kind of broken?

While I'm certain I'm not the only one to go through this, it's got a girl feeling empty these days. So I turn to the theory that there's more to be done and someone, somewhere, God, universe, the mighty HuHu, they've just got higher expectations for me. Tonight I'm not okay with that; tonight that makes me angry and want to sue the universe. But maybe like Jobs, I just need to put a ding in the universe.

Once I've got the wrinkles out of my apron, I need to make some changes. I need to start by putting some good back into the universe, even if I think I'm some awful, broken, misguided person sometimes. Maybe somewhere, somehow I can help - make things better. Having purpose in times when there doesn't seem much purpose, is well... important.

After watching this little video tonight, I think it just goes to show that people who have purpose do more, no matter what.

Sometimes we just have to put the pieces back together and realize nothing was ever broken in the first place, just rearranged.

Shake it up.